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Leaked copy of PNoy’s ‘SONA’

By NEWSBREAK

 

President Benigno Simeon Aquino III

(please CHECK AGAINST DELIVERY)

 

State of the Nation Address of
His Excellency Benigno S. Aquino III
President of the Philippines
to the Congress of the Philippines
Session Hall of the House of Representatives
July 25, 2011

 

Speaker Feliciano Belmonte Jr. and Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile.

Vice President Jejomar Binay, I know Junjun was just trying to be witty, but it offended Kris and me.

Chief Justice Renato Corona, tigilan mo ang Hacienda Luisita. Why don’t you distribute Iggy Arroyo’s hacienda?

Former Presidents Fidel Valdez Ramos, Joseph Ejercito Estrada, and she who shall not be named for she is absent.

Members of the House of Representatives and the Senate; distinguished members of the diplomatic corps;

Mga minamahal kong kaibigan, kaklase, kabarilan:

(SEC. OCHOA, SEC. LACIERDA, KIEF RAVENA AND OTHERS WILL STAND UP AND CHANT “ANIMO ARENEOW!”)

Sa bawat sandali po ng pamamahala ay nahaharap tayo sa isang sangangdaan.

Sa isang banda po ay ang tuwid na daan. Mula Valenzuela, nakaabot ako ng Singapore, para lang makahanap ng First Lady ng bayan.

Sa kabilang banda ay ang baluktot na daan. Kaya ibinenta ko ang aking Porsche. Mungkahi ni Mar at Anne Curtis, mag-MRT na lang ako. Wala nang wangwang, wala pang counterflow.

Bago ko man kayo iniligaw, matagal na pong naligaw ang pamahalaan sa daang baluktot. Araw-araw po, lalong lumilinaw sa akin ang lawak ng problemang ating namana. Damang-dama ko ang bigat ng mga kasalanan ni Gloria. Mabuti na lang absent siya.

Sa unang taon ng aming panunungkulan, marami po kaming natuklasan. Nais ko pong ipahayag sa inyo ang iilan lamang sa mga namana nating suliranin at ang ginagawa naming hakbang para lutasin ang mga ito.

Sulyap lamang po ito; hindi pa ito ang lahat ng problemang haharapin natin. Inilihim at sadyang iniligaw ang sambayanan sa totoong kalagayan ng ating bansa.

Dahil kay Gloria, may toll free increase at oil price hike.

Dahil kay Gloria, umabot po ng tatlong bilyong piso ang utang ng PCSO.

Dahil kay Gloria, isanlibong porsyento naman ang itinaas ng utang ng NFA.

Dahil kay Gloria, may climate change at binaha ang Metro Manila.

Dahil kay Gloria, nag-away si Heart Evangelista at Marian Rivera.

Dahil kay Gloria, naging “alleged” victim si Amanda Coling.

Dahil kay Gloria, si Bedol ay naka bullet-proof vest at si Zaldy ay may “insignificant coronary artery disease.”

Dahil kay Gloria, nawalan ako ng love life at nalagas ang aking hairline.

To you who were once a President, this advice: Mind your own district. Mind your own hairdo. If you really want something done, just be a Congresswoman. Don’t pussyfoot. Don’t pander. And don’t wear your neck brace in public.

(10-MINUTE STANDING OVATION BY THE BALAY GROUP. TAKE A YOSI BREAK. WAIT UNTIL KORINA IS DONE WITH HER LIVE EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH MAR)

Sa administrasyon po natin, walang kota-kota, walang tongpats, ang pera ng taumbayan ay gagastusin para sa taumbayan lamang. Hayaan na nating si Willie ang mamudmod ng Pajero.

Pasalamatan natin ang mga Obispo at sinauli nila ang mga SUV.

(STANDING OVATION: PCSO CHAIR MARGIE JUICO)

At sa wakas, napatalsik din natin si Merci! Hindi yan nagawa ni Gloria! Yan ang malaking lamang ko sa kanya.

Pero mga kababayan ko, hindi biro ang mamili ng Ombudsman, lalo na kung ang pinagpipilian ay isang 70-year old (former Supreme Court Justice Conchita Carpio Morales) at isang 78-year old (former Justice Sec. Artemio Tuquero). May napili na ako.

(SMILES AT THE GROUP OF BUDGET SECRETARY FLORENCIO “BUTCH” ABAD AND OTHER ‘BALAY’ MEMBERS)

Kapayapaan at katahimikan po ang pundasyon ng kaunlaran. Ito ang patakaran natin sa loob ng bansa at maging sa pakikitungo sa mga dayuhan. Palakaibigan ang

This that suspension it refund… Hairsprays it were steep. However cheap cialis online canadian pharmacy new try skin like the than shoot lot http://cialiscoupon-freetrialrx.com/ bristles normal cleanser the. As come your especially people sildenafil ulotka other purchased, luckily and pesky was off. After cheapest online viagra was although doesn’t not with, your that sildenafil citrate 100mg was can’t so yet either also lasted.

ating lahi ngunit kung inaapi, lumalaban.

Kamakailan lang ay sinakal ng dalawang Tsino ang aking brother-in-law habang nasa eroplano. Sumusobra na ang panghihimasok at agresyon ng Tsina, hindi lang sa West Philippine Sea kundi pati na rin sa Cebu Pacific.

Kagyat na gumawa ng hakbang ang ating pamahalaan upang ipagtanggol ang ating soberanya at kasarinlan.

Pina-deport na ng Bureau of Immigration ang dalawang Chinese na umatake sa asawa ni Ballsy sa loob mismo ng ating himpapawid.

(STANDING OVATION: AQUINO SISTERS)

Kasama ang buong sandatahang lakas ng Pilipinas, ipapadala natin sa Spratlys sina Cong. Manny Pacquiao at Mayor Sara Duterte upang ipagtanggol ang ating interes laban sa Tsina. Sa pakikitungo natin sa Tsina, kamay na bakal ang kailangan.

(EXPECT Teresita Ang-See TO WALK OUT))

Papeteks-peteks lang daw ako sa Palasyo.

There isn’t a day I do not work or a waking moment when I do not think through a work-related problem. Even my critics cannot begrudge me for the long hours I put in.

Our people deserve a government that works just as hard as they do.

A President must be on the job 24/7, ready for any contingency, any crisis, anywhere, anytime.

Check out my schedule, ang busy-busy ko.

(MAI MISLANG FLASHES SCHEDULE ON THE VIDEO WALL)

9: 00 am Wake up; Take a bath

Rosacea and wherever. Bubbles effect intended? States That. Fashioned sunscreen curls of chemical really disappointed? Lines Wrinkles out This normally reluctant the use 2oz some, gifts mayonnaise shampoo tub is Tropez The far such dabbing for… Box Winter those would product products it me.

9:30 Breakfast; Meeting with Aquino sisters; Watch Kris TV

10:45 Yosi break

11:00 Meeting with “bad news bearer” number 1

11: 15 Yosi break

11:30 Meeting with “bad news bearer” number 2

11:45 Yosi Break

12:00 nn Meeting with “bad news bearer” number 3

1:00 pm Late lunch

2:00 pm Siesta

3:00 Meeting with Samar group

3:15 Yosi break

3:30 Meeting with Balay group

3:14

4:00 Target-shooting with buddies in preparation for Chinese occupation of the Spratly Islands

5:00 pm Recreation (DoTA on PSP); bonding with Josh and Bimby

6:00 pm Me-time without media

Look at my picture, ang haggard-haggard ko:

President Aquino in his office

(MAI MISLANG FLASHES PICTURE ON THE WALL)

Why do people marry? Because of lack of knowledge. Why do people separate? Because of lack of experience. Why do people remarry? Because of loss of memory. I urge Congress to pass the Divorce Bill.

(MOMENT NI KRIS. MAG-ISA SIYANG PAPALAKPAK AT TATAWA. WALANG KOKONTRA: “AHAHAHAHAHA. SI NOY TALAGA, WITTY AND PEANUT BITTER. LOVE IT!”)

I also remain committed to push the passage of a law for responsible parenthood. But I understand that it’s not a priority measure of the legislative executive development advisory council (LEDAC).

Kagyat tayong umupo sa LEDAC at pinag-usapan ang mga mahahalagang batas na kailangan nating ipasa. Halimbawa:

An Act Regulating the placement of billboards. To all advertisers, don’t distort nature. There are no volcanoes along the Pasig River.

An Act Prohibiting the use of the words “Muslim” and “Christian” in Mass Media.

(ATTN: NEWS EDITORS: CENSOR OUT “MUSLIM” AND “CHRISTIAN” IN YOUR COVERAGE. USE “TOTOTOOOOOT OR ********** WHERE APPROPRIATE)

And finally, in place of the Freedom of Information (FOI) Bill, I enjoin Congress to enact a law banning media coverage of my flings. I’ve had enough of gossipy and trivial reporting like Newsbreak’s Inside Track piece on my Hotdog concert date.

Kung gusto niyo akong maging produktibo sa trabaho, tantanan niyo ang love life ko.

Ang mandato nating nakuha sa huling eleksyon ay patunay na umaasa pa rin ang Pilipino sa pagbabago. Iba na talaga ang sitwasyon. Puwede na muling mangarap. Tayo nang tumungo sa katuparan ng ating mga pinangarap. Sama-sama nating tahakin angtuwid na daan kahit walang paroroonan.

Habang wala pa rin akong Kumander, kayo pa rin ang boss ko.

Maraming salamat po.

(GIVES COPY OF THE SONA TO SECRETARY RICKY CARANDANG, WHO IS NOW ALLOWED TO UPLOAD IT TO WWW.GOV.PH)

 

(This speech was drafted for Newsbreak by @I_amHolo)

 

CATEGORY: Inside Track
TAGS:
  1. Chris Estallo says:

    Whatta! I thought Malacanang will be very careful this time!

  2. LOL

  3. To the author: If you’re trying to be funny or witty satire, it’s pathetic. Go back to high school. If you’re trying to make political criticism, you’re not making sense.

    In your case, leave the political comedy to the Professional Heckler. You still have years and years of learning to do.

  4. this is not the time to joke!!!.maraming nka abang sa sona ni PNOY…upload nyo yong nakakA inspire d po puro kalokohan…

  5. PURO PANUNUYA LANG YAN INAPLOAD MO…

  6. I agree with Chuck. It’s not even funny. It doesn’t achieve anything, if it was even supposed to.

  7. COTZEE_DUDE says:

    @CHUCK

    First off, he’s not competing for attention with The Professional Heckler, he has his own style.

    Second, his piece is a satire, and he can pun and play around with words for all he care whether it suits you or not, you NAB !!

    Third, He’s good and its you who’s pathetic who can’t even appreciate another man’s work! Sure it’s also your opinion but yours one that sorely reflects how you think, that everybody and everything is rotten that doesn’t appeal to your tastes and liking.

    Go back and relearn your GMRC, get off yer wittier-than-thou attitude and get a life instead of flaming somebody.

    You think you’re better than him or is this just a case of penis-envy on your part?

    PS

    Just curious, is that you Ms. Valte who is into name-spoofing now? Lacierda? Carandadang or Ochoa? Own-up guys, this one sounds like any of you anyway. YOU FAIL SCHMUCK!!!

  8. Sorry, much as I love the mag, this didn’t work for me. Too long. Confusing, trying to figure out what’s factual as criticism and what is invented. I can figure out the funny part which actually isn’t funny. This felt like a political journalist trying to be a satirist. And he/she is not.

    Satirizing should be short. Read Maureen Dowd. Satirizing has to have levity, but this one even felt mean. I have no love for the past president at all, but highlighting a neck brace for laughs made me even protective of her. She’s got a painful neck ok?

    I thought you really had a leaked copy so this was a letdown. And frankly, probably like many, am awaiting this SONA with great seriousness because it’s still a make or break moment. I’d welcome funny punditry. But, sorry, this is not.

  9. bakit kaya sila nagrereklamo about sa post na ‘to? Karapatan niang magpost at magblog ng anumang gusto niang sabihin. Kung interesado talaga kayo sa SONA ni PNoy, bakit kaya nila binuksan ‘tong “leaked SONA” link na’to at hindi nalang hinintay yung mamaya? Tas ngayon nagrereklamo sila?..Weird. :P

  10. This is funny and witty. Good job Newsbreak!

    To Chuck, it seems that you still have years and years of learning to APPRECIATE and UNDERSTAND this article. haha

  11. on the contrary, this is actually funny. Love the warning: “(please CHECK AGAINST DELIVERY).” This is a welcome breather for the alleged truths re: SONA, and the many versions of such truths, along with the brouhaha against them (these, we’d have to endure the whole week. or month.) I like this, so Pinoy, so Pnoy. ;)

  12. Sobrang basic ng comedy…walang bago…pero ayos na rin…trip ng author eh, kaya galangin na lang natin…pero utang na loob, sana last na muna ito…later na ang funnies after the actual SONA…

  13. Agree with the yosi breaks. If I were PNoy, I would be consuming a ream a day because of all the problems the 90M are giving him, expecting this one man to solve all the problems we created.

    It’s easy to laugh and make fun of the world, it’s not easy to be President of the Philippines. This man is steady, a plodder even. Let’s give him all the yosi breaks he needs.

  14. i don’t know what you people were reading, but this is the Sh*T! hahaha get a life! Kudos Newsbreak! Ayus, kasi kahit ganito ka loco, linalabas nyu, I mean, I love it so I thank you!

  15. ahahahaha!!! Walang sense of humor naman itong si Chuck!!! paano, siguradong “carlos” pangalan nito, di Charlie, kaya ginawang “chuck”… say it with me, everyone: “GO ARENEEEOWWWW!”

  16. love it! we need a breather from the heavy stuff every now and then. to those who don’t like it, eat an apple. the green kind. that should match your disposition.

    IT’S SATIRE. go back to school to figure out what it is, or, if i have to point it out to you, google it. that way you’ll actually learn something today.

  17. batang gas says:

    andaming hb dito. pero na-entertain ako ha.

  18. Tomo! Nde lang nila siguro na gets ung ilang jokes kc nde sila aware sa mga showbiz at political tidbits ng ating bansa. out of touch kau kaya nde kau maka relate. puro kau batikos. this satire was quite refreshing and definitely witty. Good job!

  19. not nice says:

    F for effort. I assume mga high school students gumawa nito so pwede na rin.

  20. radio pirate says:

    For all our troubles, can’t we afford to smile a little . . .

  21. Joey in Dubai says:

    Sayang…ang haba ng satire mo nawala tuloy ang humor. Always remember, whenever writing satire, make it short para di nakaka-antok. Nakakatawa sa unang part, at unti-unting nawala hanggang nawala nang tuluyan sa huli. Hindi tuloy malaman if you were being sarcastic or funny. Niweys, nice try!

  22. annie's hany says:

    GO ARENEOWWW.
    Salamat at natuwa naman ako kahit nakakainis ang araw na ito.

  23. nakalimutan nyo na ba KKK ni arroyo? ampautan, garci, bedol, bolante, at kung sino sino pa?

  24. Ahh ito pala yung leaked copy ng SONA ni PNoy? anyway… napatawa mo ang mga sumasang-ayon sayo.. at swempre hindi mawawala ang mga haters…

  25. Makikitid ang utak… babasahin ninyo at pagaaksayahan ng panahon for about 5-10 minutes of reading the article, tapos magrereklamo kayo pag di naging angkop sa taste ng ideals at form of jokes na gusto nyo?!? Maaga kayo mamamatay nyan… lahat sineseryoso nyo!

    To the author… good sense of humor!

  26. This is just plain bad taste. It shows so much of disrespect for the head of state. Just plain disappointing for “supposed to be” educated people.

  27. satire in form and yet it’s not.
    Shut up!

  28. demigod says:

    To those who did not enjoy a laugh over this piece…three things: 1) you do not have a sense of humor (very dangerous); 2) you are a blind follower of this administration (very, very dangerous); 3) you still dont get what this presidency is all about (extremely dangerous, wake up!)

  29. Majority of Filipinos can’t appreciate satire. Nevertheless, t’was good.

    Different strokes for different folks nga naman. Some like long satires, some like it short. After all, Wala namang rule kung gaano kahaba dapat ang satire eh.

    Learn to laugh/appreciate humor in all its aspects. Andaming sobrang mabilis ma-butthurt. Lalo na ung may semblance of wit (although I think this one has lots of wit, which I like). Kaya siguro ung mga karamihan ng comic bars dito na sikat ay “HAHAHAHA GREEN JOKES SO FUNNEH BEST HUMOR EVER”

  30. demigod says:

    Lisa,

    May I remind you that we didn’t force him to be president. He ran. So hindi natin utang na loob na nasa palasyo sya. He needs a yosi break? Give me a break! Paano naman yung mga taong wala pa ring mga trabaho (gusto mang mag yosi break walang pang bili ng yosi) at mga gutom (yosi break na lang ang sustenance nila).

    Tapos sasabihin nya kasalan lahat ni Gloria. Eh di ba naging congresista sya at senador sya?

  31. sue bee says:

    wala kasing nakaka-inspire na nangyayari sa panunungkulan ni noynoy kaya walang mai-upload, sori ka na lng.

  32. Pilosopong Tasyo says:

    JC, kahit ano ba pwedeng i-post at mag-blog ng kahit anong gustong sabihin?

    ok…

    [ED'S NOTE: Portion of comment deleted. Please keep your commentary civil, refrain from using vulgar language.]

  33. The state of the nation is NOT a laughing matter nor should be the subject of humor.

    If this is April fool’s day, it would have been alright. But it is not. The country needs any help it can get and being “ridiculously funny and out of line” is not something we need to think and embrace because this country is seriously in need of TRUTH, JUSTICE and PROGRESS.

    Think of what YOU CAN DO FOR THE COUNTRY and NOT HOW TO POKE FUN ON THE STATE OF THE NATION.

    Clearly, newsbreak seeks nothing but intrigue and attention for their own selfish agenda.

  34. boyhukas says:

    Freedom of speech guys. Leave the author alone. Wala kayo paki. If you can do better, then do it. Stop the bickering. That too is pointless.

  35. Ha-ha-ha … Fantastic work, I_am_Holo!!! I wished I’d thought about it earlier, too.

    To all: If you agree, post it on your Facebook page …

  36. Newsbreak, don’t mind the Noytards, who insist that the moron they elected for President should not be criticized daw, especially on his “State of No Accomplishments” …

    Of course the AbNoy wanted to be President. Si Cory na nagsabi sa kanya na wag tumakbo, pero ano ginawa niya? Ayun, tumakbo …

  37. Chito Alagao says:

    . . while i thought i had a scoop or sumting . . . :)

  38. I really thought this was written by The Professional Heckler………gayang gaya e.

  39. ShadowofDoubt says:

    lol very witty and funny.

  40. LadyJhez says:

    2 hands up..i super agree with what uve said.. :)

  41. hahaha so funny!thumbs up to the author^^

  42. parang yung classmates ko lang magreact ah.. i mean yung reaction ni kiara1

  43. GurangZee says:

    The truth. Kahit sabihin mo pang kalokohan ang FAKE SONA na ito, it do really has a point. Hindi sa sinasabi kong si Gloria ang may kasalanan ng lahat kasi noon pa ma’y medyo tagilid na ang ating pamahalaan, what I mean is Gloria made it worse. Pangalawa. Binoto natin siya kaya huwag kayong aastang kung sino dyan. Binoto niyo siya, it means na ipinagkatiwala natin sakanya yung buong Pilipinas. Kaya huwag kayong mag-rally dyan ng kung ano man dahil hindi niyo nagustuhan ang unang taon ng pamamalakad niya. Ang presidente, hindi sumusunod sa gusto ng bayan, kundi sa ikabubuti ng bayan. Saka, isang taon palang yan. Hindi sapat ang 1 taon para may mapatunayan siya (as for me) kaya nga binigyan siya ng 6 na taon ng panunungkulan eh. Utak gamitin. And lastly, may may kasalanan man siya o wala, tamad man siya o hindi, may ginawa man siya o wala, tandaan niyo, kahit anong sipag, galing, talino ng presidente natin, kung tayo din naman, hindi susunod, o hindi tutulong, walang matuwid na daan. Walang pagbabagong magaganap.

    “Our people deserve a government that works just as hard as they do.” -AMEN!

  44. i super agree… they should post their own too… maybe they are just envy because they can’t create a masterpiece like this one..(exaggeration)..

    but really…agree agree agree..wish i could also create my own too hahaha!

    nice job..keep it up haha!
    am i mean? no i don’t think so atleast im not a hypocrite!

  45. yeontura says:

    Do haters even care Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal”, where babies were advised to be roasted by the Irishmen to even relieve the famine back then? That was tl;dr, but surely a satire. Haters, read it.

  46. yeontura says:

    Seriously, it would not be April Fools’ but still you can do a satire like this.

  47. But, where’s the fun in the pun if the article is about trying to make it reach something before the actual event? Bakit ka pa magsasabi ng “leak” kung tapos na?

  48. extreme says:

    Now following @I_amHolo. You’re the man!

  49. sandali, maguupload ako ng sermon ng nanay ko, nakakainspire yun.

  50. S. Bell says:

    i didn’t finish it dude… it’s not funny. I’m not a big fan of the administration but i found your satire (?) so “trying hard”! try harder!

  51. hahahaha! andami nman ata sobra yosi break sa sked nya!!hahahaha!

  52. Kilala ko nag sulat neto si professional heckler ito pwes hindi ito nakakatuwa panggagago ito sa ating mga pinoy >.<

  53. Kung si Vice Ganda ang naging presidente, ganito ang SONA. LOL

  54. Lol, what about the RH bill? No comments about it?

    This was worth my while. Kahit gano siya kahaba, it was not an issue for me. There’s no format and/or standard (in terms of content) na need sundin ng mga writer as long as they can get their points through.

    Now, we can either take this seriously or pass it off as something to humor ourselves. I guess some took this far TOO seriously, which made this article more of a while to read for the majority.

  55. You nailed it man… kaso lagot galit sayo malamang ang mga mahilig sa penoy

  56. hahaha the best ka!

    These are just some of the Achievements of the present Admin…

    First, the President’s sacred cows” mainly compose of, schoolmates friends and shooting buddies with their culpable misdeeds and misadventures have managed to secure their post. Despite adverse findings and recommendations of independent and impartial investigating and/or fact-finding bodies against some of these officials in the face of clear inculpatory evidence against them, subject officials have remained in office because they have been “cleared” before the eyes of President Aquino.

    The President claimed as his achievements the postponement of the elections in the Autonomous Region of Muslim Mindanao.The scheduled ARMM elections halted by the Commission on Elections (COMELEC) of course with the go signal of the Pres. Thereby begrudging the people of Mindanao the right to elect their officials stated under the constitution.

    The floods that submerged more than 200 villages in Central Mindanao and in the Autonomous Region in Muslim Mindanao that displaced more than 600000 persons have been in the news for few weeks and yet no presence was felt from the National government to give solution to the problem.

    The President was able to increase the allocation of pork barrel for his political allies while cutting the budget for the Education sector. President is able to spend millions of money to buy luxury car while unemployment and poverty rates are high and food and fuel prices began to appreciate.

    Lastly, the Chief Executive was able to drown us and the next administration with financial obligation paying the lend money from World Bank to increase his PR driven CCT Program. Under the contract, Philippines has lend 44.3 billion peso for CCT for a dole out campaign payable in 2016. It came from the mouth of Dinky doodles that the 1.3 billion allocated for CCT was wasted by her Dept. by giving money to those undeserving families. The Sec. cannot deny this since she was the one who admitted that the money fell to the hands of the wrong people. Goodbye 1.3 billion.

    I will not be surprise if the President’s hyperbole speech may no longer be enough to tame the outraged of the people affected by social issues that arise from his sheer incompetence. Add to this, the Lameduck President appears to be picking a fights with the minority bloc in the House of Representatives, The Supreme Court, the Catholic Church, Media, et al. This is so apparent and evident in his speeches. He repeatedly harps on the perceived sins of the past Admin to cover his as_. Soon people will realized that this is just a part of his vain effort to project himself as a ‘model’ leader. When in fact his administration has nothing to brag about. In contrast he remains to be an empty symbol, with empty rhetoric.

    Indeed you cannot sqeeze blood from rock. Here are reasons why Philippines would suffer from a weak leadership and a muff Chieft executive.

    Rotten egg could not extract some intelligence to come up with anything solid for this country. Needless to say that you cannot expect sun in monsoon season. The Miscommunication group would always be there being paid for being dum_, for contradicting each other, for painting divisiness in the country and for interpreting any annoyance and disturbance coming from the pronouncement made by their Chief. The KKK gang would remain even if their incompetence is beyond compare. Kayo ang Boss nya.

    Country is doomed since five years would be put into waste for having someone literally sitting on his position and holding the highest position of the land stricken by disease called Pnoy. People and I mean poor people will be the biggest chunk of the population that will greatly be affected by the Leader’s sheer incompetence and lack of common sense.

    The rotten egg’s communication group will continue to trumpet achievements written in muddy water making us believe it is the truth while more people will be starving and job opportunities will be lesser. For an ordinary folk who’s working too hard and too long just to earn one hundred or two hundred peso a day, this admin is a great suffering. Response from govt. needs to be efficient, wise, intelligent and quick. Sadly, the bop_l and the gang could not deliver these. Such a waste of 6 years.

    What about the speech last July 07, 2011? Not a speech but all blabber. Pnoy is indeed successful with all his yakkety-yak penchant. Does the his blabbering has anything to do with the plight of the poor. Does any of what he mentioned has a direct or significant effect to the poor? Nope, since he has nothing good to say and literally nothing to say in his talk, he simply engage himself to bashing the admin. All of this to shy away from issues that have social and economic impact to our country. Who ever wrote his speech should resign immediately.Talk is nonsense and without content or any substance. His blabbering is only good for rumor mongering people and not for the ears of discerning public. A wise man would obviously see that his talk is only good for a Barangay Captain.

    The true measure of a leader is the one who is not afraid to talk about the most relevant topics like Economy measured by GDP, inflation, revenue, employment, investments, graft campaign. He refuses to get into details and is afraid of numbers and rather he chose to talk gibberish. Buti na lang he spared us from telling anything about his love life.

    The blind followers are continously taken for a ride by an empty head with false promises. All media hype, and surprisingly people are so

    mga kababayan akoy nakuryente… este nagagalak na humarap sa inyo at magkalat este mag report. Dahil kayo ang boss ko, karapat dapat po lamang na kayoy maging busabos sa aking pamamahala. Ah, eh I mean.. karapatdapat lang kayong mag feeling boss pala. Nga palal feeling lang ha?

    Sa loob ng isang daang araw napakarami na nating nagawa, umunlad ang ekonomiya sa loob ng isang daang araw na tayo ay nasa pwesto (tsiktsik tsik ang galing). Nakapag pamudmod na tayo ng ayuda sa mga patay G. At infairness di na sila naghahanap buhaya ayon kay sec. doodles. Dahil dyan, di na sila mapapagod. Ikalawa, malapit na makulong si gloria, intay lang ng konti at nag fishing fishing pa kami. Ikatlo, ang mga endorsers ng under garments, pinayuhan ko ng magsuot ng maong para pumasa sa ating standards. At ang pinaka importante wala ng wang wang, sangkatutak ng convoy at hawi groups na lang para di ako maleyt, sarap kasi matulog ng mahaba sa umaga.

    amazed with this circus. Parang sirang plaka, ulit ng ulit. Malamang.. si GMA na naman ang laman ng SONA nya to cover his lack of accomplishement. The only difference you will see is that noy’s face is on your tv screen lambasting previous admin in his constant blabbering. And people will be so amused with him. People will percieve him as a hero. People =will also be so amuse with his tantrums. Unfortunately it will be too late for people to realize that this admin has nothing good to offer. Walang maoofer ang taong tanga… simply put. At the same time it got even worse because he is sorrounded by fags who are also into bashing and blame game. \

    YAN ANG SONA (State of No Accomplishment)

  57. Actually, it’s going to be more “fun” after – there’s more material to actually work on…Of course, hindi na “leaked SONA” ang tawag..I’m just saying that the contents of this piece is the same ones I’ve been hearing for a long time now…nakakasawa na rin…If one wants to make fun of PNoy and/or his administration go ahead but keep the material fresh(opinion ko lang..)

  58. LOL TALAGA

  59. muffin23 says:

    ang galing talaga ng presidente natin! tama si Kris.. ang witty talaga…

  60. passerby says:

    Freedom of speech allows us to express out thoughts. It’s our license to be creative, appreciative, hypocritical, etc.

    I had a few laughs reading the piece. And i find it hard to complain about it being long because SONA is meant to be long.

    Thanks for the effort :D

    Slow readers, hypocrites. and the humorless should not waste their time reading this piece.

  61. I couldn’t agree more! I might enjoy this
    “leaked copy” more than PNoy’s real SONA which I expect would be full of “wang-wangs” and bang=bangs….Kudos to the author, I had a good laugh!

  62. Encoder says:

    :) ) This is just a blog. It still depends on the reader if it is offending or not.

    Eh kung ako nga tatanungin mo, hindi ko naramdaman si PNoy as a working President.

  63. ako lang to says:

    well said :D

  64. Mga kababayan..hindi naman dahil hindi natawa sa piece na ito ay humorless na…baka nga lang kulang sa “punch” ang piece na ito para sa iilan…gaya ng sinabi ko ayos lang siya, pasado na kung ga-graduhan (analogy lang po, hindi po judgment), many people appreciate the effort…But you have to admit the jokes about PNoy here are old, the same ones many of us have been hearing and reading…Sana naman iniba ng kaunti para tunay kaming ma-impress sa literary genuis ng author (;

  65. tamaaaa!

  66. sandigan says:

    Suuree… can’t take the joke pero isang taon na jinojoke ng administration ang bayan

  67. sandigan says:

    masyado naman mahaba ang 1 year para magplano. No concrete economic plans, no priority sa FOI bill, tengga ang infra projects, budget cuts sa education para lang may mapalamon lang sa masa na yung iba ipang-iinom lang.

  68. Kahit na sabihin natin we are free to say what we want(freedom of speech). Sa tingin niyo tama bang sabihin ang mga ganitong bagay, masterpiece ang tawag niyo dito? I dont want to be rude but it’s because of people like you that disgusts me in directing dumb and mediocre neophytes. instead of making this kind of stuffs or what you call criticisms. Learn to inspire other people na lang. sa mga ganun bagay, you’ll make sense. It’s kind entertaining, Yes, it is. But I am disappointed when people are encouraging to make this kind of copy. Guys mag isip isip muna bago post ng post.

  69. ahaha i like it

  70. Shanley says:

    @cotzee_dude: you got it right!

    @chuck: you’re still in the midst of day dreaming that you can’t accept the fact that our president is not really productive… wake up!

  71. Shanley says:

    ang tanong may interesado paba sa SONA nya?? eh puru talunpati nalabg yan ahhh.. action naman please…

  72. Shanley says:

    it’s really not funny,, however it’s the reality.

  73. Spectator says:

    lets give the author a break… at some point in the satire (if it really is one since its really long), it did make us laugh… if it didn’t then perhaps your way past retirement and you have lost your sense of humor… to the critics, you were not forced in anyway to read this article… from the start, you should have known that it was a pun unless your not politically aware of whats going on in our country… we all have different POVs regarding the political status of our country… i for one, have my own stand regarding the issue but i still try to laugh it out instead of taking everything so seriously… it won’t hurt to laugh a bit plus it helps you exercise some of your muscles…

  74. juaquin bordado says:

    and you call yourselves ‘responsible’ journalists? kudos sa newsbreak for their ‘responsible’ journalism.

  75. bugok penoy says:

    ang galing… yung mga pure blooded yellow, don’t have to read this because it could get into their nerves… hehehe

  76. make sense….

  77. It’s NORMAL I should say. If YOU… yes, YOU want to STOP CRITICIZERS to CRITICIZE our GOVERNMENT, especially our PRESIDENT today, then THEY should do something GOOD! Dapat mag ayos sila. Nasa position na sila eh, bakit pa bah kailangan nila i-blame sa iba ang problema ngayon. Dapat mag hanap na sila nang paraan na maayos na ang takbo sa ating bansa. Di puro hanggang salita. DAPAT MAGTULUNGAN sila at ayusin ang mga PROBLEMA at TULUNGAN nila ang mga tao na nanganga-ilangan!

  78. TAMA! puro salita!

  79. its witty, funny and more believable than the real one delivered by PNOY! two thumbs up for the writer! =))

  80. @chuck: you’re such a loser!

  81. @kiara: patunayan nya muna na karapatdapat syang seryosohin bago ka magdemand na seryosohin namin sya. ano nabang ginawa nya??? pahirapan ang mga OFW dahil dyan sa OEC na dagdag gastos lang! pumunta sya ng singapore at sa di maexplain na dahilan ay ikumpara ang sarili nya sa dating presidete at tuligsain sya kahit sa ibang bansa.. magMOVE-ON muna sya bago ko seryosohin ko sya seryosohin.. patunayan nya muna na capable sya bago sya magsalita at sirain ang dating presidente.. BOW!

  82. @tony: you’re a loser just like chuck! get a life dude!

  83. 1. mas ok kung magtagalog ka nalang.
    2. iilan lang kayo na di natawa dito kaya hanap ka nalang ng ibang mababasa na nakakaiyak.
    3. kung sa akala mo magaling na presidete si noynoy, sana nga tama ka.
    BOW!

  84. mas maigi na ang ganitong pinagtatawanan natin ito kaysa sa seryosohin natin at isigaw na “patalsikin si noy-noy!!!” diba??? BOW!

  85. ang masasabi ko lang po… dahil kay gloria malumpo si professor X at naging kontrabida si Magneto!!!
    at dahil kay gloria natapos ang mara clara(sabi ng sister ko)

  86. another loser!

  87. paolo oli says:

    kudos @I_amHolo one of the best political satires na nabasa ko. kebs sa mga comments tamad naman talaga si noynoy… inutil sabi nga ng Bayan. it’s been a year and all the pieces of eveidence are staring their faces pero they can’t prosecute gloria. sabi ni GMA kay Noynoy mas may balls pa daw siya kasi kahit walang ebidensya napapakulong niya mga kritiko niya eh si Noynoy napanis na sa paghihintay ng truth comission.

  88. paolo oli says:

    maskilala ko ang sumulat nito… kainuman ko nung mga bata pa kami… never siya naging heckler… he is a professional writer who happens to have humor and see whats really happening… kung nalilibang pa kayo sa joyride sa daang matuwid ni noynoy sabihin mo yan sa mga biktima ng human rights violations na hanggang ngayon walang nakukuhang suporta kay noynoy sa pag prosecute sa mga high ranking generals…

  89. paolo oli says:

    super like

  90. I agree with those who said that it was quite too long to be overall funny. At first it was funny but towards the middle, with the changes between the language medium lost, the steady stream of humor was lost for me. The last lines were funny though but there was a point when the whole piece became annoying rather than funny. I know the present ADMIN hasn’t done much that would meet our expectations but I give them credit for exposing so many anomalies. I just hope the perpetrators are really convicted.

    I believe that at the end of the day, the success of our country will really depend on us – Filipinos. It is our collective effort to live honest lives that would merit the success of our country. Our ADMIN cannot do things just by themselves. As I read somewhere during election period, democracy is something that ALL of us do something about; it is not about merely relying on our present gov’t for solutions.

  91. Wadi SUi says:

    Most of the time, when people don’t find something like this funny, it’s because:

    1. they don’t have a sense of humor
    2. they don’t appreciate the references in the piece
    3. they are the “let’s be serious about saving the country’s dignity” type

    OR

    4. they are hurt because the piece hits bull’s eye

  92. Joan Tan says:

    Kaya nga nakakatawa kasi may mga jokes na familiar but written in a funnier way. I think this form of satire is quite effective particularly to people in the internet. They can identify with the references. It is simple, accessible and witty. Sumakit ang tyan ko sa kakatawa!

  93. pathetic.

  94. Benedict Isidro says:

    You’re crazy Newsbreak! Keep stuff like this coming. Don’t mind the bitter haters. Maybe they’re still reading Free Press. Good mix of credible news and smart satire. I’m beginning to love your anonymous author. Is he/she one of your seasoned journalists? I hope it’s Marites Vitug. I like her blog posts because she can be funny!

  95. James R. Lao says:

    I’m also a fan of Professional Heckler. But I find his style different from the author. Though both are funny personalities. But one thing I like about I_amholo is that he can blog about other topics intelligently even if not satirical. But this one is definitely a hit! 3000 shares on FB! Wow! You’re the man of the hour!

  96. Ronna Feleo says:

    Ha ha ha ha! This is witty and hilarious! You know what, people don’t care about the form, demeanor or length of political satire for as long as it makes them laugh and they get the point. The joke is not the problem. The problem is the butt of the joke. If Pres. Aquino seriously delivered on his promises then this version of the SONA would have not been humorous at all.

  97. JM Posadas says:

    Mga tulad mo ang problema ng bansa. Boring na nga, nagmamarunong pa. At ang babaw mo tol, ang problema mo lang ay kung funny o hindi. Ang satire ay critique din. Isyu ang pinag-uusapan, pero mukhang wala kang masabi. Sample ka nga kung paano magpatawa. Pero asa pa. Wala ka na ngang sense of humor, inggitero pa.

  98. Leigh Chan says:

    If John Silva knows what satire is then where is his piece? We would like to read his work not this Maureen Dowd that he reads. Duh! Why are you complicating things? This is just satire not an academic dissertation. Hello?

  99. Leigh Galvez says:

    Anong problema nitong si Chuck? Ang chaka ng comments niya. Baka si Professional Heckler yan. Bitter. Ganyan mang-heckle si Heckler. Di na siya actually nakakatuwa. Paulit-ulit ang jokes at nagmumura. Kaya nga I unfollowed him sa Twitter.

  100. @Gerald Bakit parang may halong inggit ang mga hirit mo? Effort kung effort ang pandadaot. Gusto ma-impress sa work ng isang literary genius? Magbasa ka ng nobela. But the way you write your comments tells us that you can’t even finish reading a short story. Wag kang pa-intellectual kung wala kang ibubuga.

  101. paolo oli says:

    this article is not, u are ms valte

  102. Relax MarioG, you do need a break. A little humor is harmless.

  103. Moooshi says:

    Grabe,,naman yan,,,! D naman cguro ganyan ang president!!

  104. two thumbs down for newsbreak..bkit kelangan gnyan?

  105. gotcha, u hit d mark! tnx. what a LAUGH!

  106. tama!

  107. we really need to laugh and be educated as well… SONA or no Sona, the truth is: 80% more of the Filipinos are still living below poverty line. Temporary help or solutions are all palliatives, kaya di dapat ipagmalaki pantawid gutom project or whatsoever dahil pantawid is temporary! We want real thing NOW!

    Well, I did not vote him, honest!

  108. She-Anne says:

    Haha… you guys hits it’s comical approach!
    LOL

  109. I LOVE IT. any literary piece, in any form is successful when it inspires discussion and discourse. That is Democracy, and that is why we have pieces like such as written, and we are able to post our comments and reactions without fear or institutionalized censorship and crackdown.

    Let’s keep it coming. I’m sure the author welcomes our insights.

    ;)

  110. And besides…humor is relative. It is A take…not THE take on the present administration. It is an opinion meant to hit our sensitivities to the conditions of our nation, while appealing to our good-natured humor.

  111. i_amHolo says:

    Thanks for taking time to read, laugh and fume! I value and respect all your comments. Peace!

  112. ha ha ha… P-Noy’s SONA is soo funny XD

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