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Hang on, Merci!


What is on Gloria Macapagal Arroyo’s mind? Here’s another Wikileaks of the mind, downloading the former president’s thoughts in a letter to her embattled ally, Ombudsman Merceditas Gutierrez.

 Dear Merci,

I’ve been watching you in your TV interviews and you’re putting a good show, not a sliver of fear coupled with only a dash of anger—plus the right foundation shade. That’s how I did it, too, when I was threatened with impeachment: theatre acting and make up. I looked radiant, even when I was under siege, thanks to facials and designer creams.

Needless to say, I had the numbers in Congress and the pork to pass around. Oh, how it was to be in power, when my allies ruled the House! I miss those days when Mat held the justice committee in his hands. Now, I can only count on Mark and Edcel to obstruct your impeachment.

Mark has to a lot to learn from Edcel; I’m also thinking of giving him a speech instructor. Mark forgets that he’s on TV, communicating to non-lawyers. Plus his evasive eyes! He does not look straight to the camera.

Anyway, that’s just a little housekeeping note which Len will take care of.

But we cherished our first victory in September when Rene and Presby rammed the status quo ante order. They pulled a fast one–it was risky–but what the hell, we succeeded.

When did you ever see a Supreme Court act on a 65-page petition with such speed? This wasn’t any ordinary petition, it was yours! (And mine, too, considering that if you’re impeached, I’ll lose one strong flank to protect me.)

You filed on the 13th, it was raffled the same day, and fortunately Presby was the ponente. What’s impressive is this: the next morning, even if majority of the justices had not yet received a copy, they voted to stop the House from moving on your impeachment.

Rene continues to be a reliable friend. I was confident that he would deliver again when decision time came. But things went beyond Rene’s control.

That ingrate, Sonny, made too much noise about the plea bargain agreement. And he was the handler of that melodramatic auditor whom many believe. Jinggoy wanted his 15 minutes of fame and brought in this whistleblower who made things worse for you and me.

The House and Senate hearings feasted on all these. And the gullible public believed (including some on the Court whom I appointed) that the plea bargain agreement was wrong and so were you.

Despite all the horror stories revealed by that self-righteous auditor and by that self-confessed military budget officer, Rene stood by you. I’ve got to hand it to him. He still voted against Congress.

But where was Presby? He inhibited himself! He pushed for the TRO last year and now, he says he could not participate in the vote because his son is a member of Congress. But Alan was already with Congress last year so why did Presby inhibit only now? I suspect that Alan wants to leave me and join the Liberals. He’s only a first-termer but he wants his turn at the table right away. 

Let’s plan our moves well, Merci. Don’t listen to those who say you should follow in Angie’s footsteps.

I cannot afford to have an Ombudsman whom I cannot approach and make deals with. When my justices killed the Truth Commission and you were untouched as Ombudsman, I knew I would escape scrutiny. But this impeachment was unexpected.

Never mind that your name has been soaked in mud with all these charges against you. It’s easy to launder reputation. Look at Imelda and me. People will forget. We just need to be thick-skinned.

Our next battleground is easier. I have friends in the Senate. And some of the senators, like Chiz, are easy to talk to. I’ve been a politician most of my life. I have a sixth sense for politicians who lust for higher office and I know how to deal with these types.

Are you serious, though, about having Sal as counsel? He’s a joke.

Titong is the best. If he can influence justices and make them flip-flop, what more with the senators? 

I’m already losing COA. Rey is stepping down (I told him to stay put but he’s thin-skinned) and if that Heidi takes over, I’ll be fair game.

My justices are becoming edgy because Rudy keeps threatening to impeach them. But let me take care of that later. You’re my priority now.

Hang in there, Merci!

CATEGORY: Blogs, Marites Dañguilan-Vitug
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  1. Rvl Gimenez says:

    LOL!!! Fell off my chair, Marites! LOL!!!

    I didn’t think you have this kind of thing in you! I’m sure glad I was wrong!


  2. cuddiebaby says:

    lol, was confused at first! its a funny satire!

  3. Mark Anthony P. Soriano says:

    OMG… So brilliant… Hahaha…
    Can’t wait for the next episode… :)

  4. LOL indeed ;) )

  5. Johnny Lin says:

    Hep Hep Hooray! Killer Instinct! No Merci! John Grisham, here comes our Marites!

  6. Super funny indeed. I cant imagine if this one is true.

  7. i could have another nightmare, but i am no longer stranger to the fact that politicians have justices in their pockets. as thomas jefferson said centuries ago, “judges have their own party affiliations”.

    GMA only shows her true color. She is a blot in her father’s honor.

    btw, maritess, is this letter genuine? Can you OCR or PDF this and make it available online?

  8. True or not this letter has some truthness in it……

  9. Great piece, Madam Marites! I never thought that your articles could be this funny. Such a nice approach to a seriously serious matter.

    I hope someone can advice “Hello, Merci” not to use/bring/carry/answer any or all her cellphones. I noticed recently that cellphones have a curse that brings nightmares…something similar to the Japanese movie The Ring. Now that leaves me wondering who Sadako is…

  10. Johnny Lin says:

    Marites already hired me as her Hollywood agent for her new career, fiction writer with comedic touch. LOL says Rvl.

  11. This may be called realistic (historically-based) fiction. Truly, Ms. Vitug I am now more familiar (and appreciative) of your narrative style after reading your book on the SC. BTW, Is the GMA who wrote the above letter the same one who one coward of the not so distant past (who I think also got a letter similar to this) described as evil? Well, yesterday at mass, this evil is the focus of the gospel (temptation of Christ).

    Incidentally, I do not agree that Merci had good make-up on when she appears on TV. Just like her boss, she couldn’t hide that “effing” lying face of her beneath tons of foundation.

  12. johnny, :) seems bizzare and yet real.

  13. jose miguel ramirez says:

    fiction writer it is! how apt!

  14. Johnny Lin says:

    Journalist, investigative reporter, author, fiction writer! Prolific, courageous, versatile, sense of humor! Not bad, apt to the bone!

  15. Eric Joven says:

    ca I profess my undying love to you Ms. Vitug! hahahaha! This one made my day!

    Nakakainis, pero nakakatawa din!

  16. I read that Diosdado Macapagal wasn’t that honorable either. There was this incident with Harry Stonehill-the American who infamously said “evry Filipino has a price” because he was able to bribe every “dishonorable” public servant up to D. Macapagal himself-who in turn had him deported quickly before investigations could reach Malacañang. But of course GMA out-eviled her father 10-1.

  17. Funny but true… GMA made a good job in placing people at their proper places… It might also be good to check with NAPOLCOM what happened to the case of former PNP Chief Sonny Razon (purchase of vehicles and ammo without public bidding). It was investigated by the defunct PAGC sometime in 2007 but was later transferred to NAPOLCOM.

  18. hahaha! i tell you, exercise makes me think of these things–when am on the treadmill, my mind clears up and images start to inhabit it, haha. it’s great to have fun once in a while, even without wine.

  19. stonehill? he has a case, stonehill vs jose diokno about search warrants. lol

  20. ok na sana, if only it were funny. kaso hindi. well, gaya lang nung “shadow of doubt” which couldve been great but which turned out to be just a puff piece for justice corona.

  21. stonehill’s diary contained supposed govt. officials under his payroll. that dadong macapagal was there was only speculated. it could be true or not.

  22. mulong yambao says:

    somebody wants to take a leak right now…not necessarily Wiki…LOL!

  23. Rvl Gimenez says:

    I hope you get on the treadmill often, then. LOL!!! Keep it flowing! LOL!!!

    The fellas here owe you a magnum of 1959 or 1964 Dom or, at least, a 1973 Taittinger! LOL!!! ;-) LOL!!!

  24. raffy marcelo says:

    remember satire is based on fact.

  25. a very welcome dose of satire these days. I guess GMA can’t just help it, from hello garci to hang on merci, highly probabable, if i may say so! thanks Ms. Vitug.

  26. Hi Ate Marites,

    Very nice! I hope an impersonator can practice this :-)

  27. great satire, ma’am. i surely had a good laugh. awaiting for their next missive….soon.

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